LifeSTAR Network

Porn, The Web, and The Workplace

Probes conducted by the SEC’s inspector general discovered 31 SEC staffers downloading porn while “working”! One, an attorney, viewed 8 hours a day, and when his hard drive was full burned the images on DVDs which he stored at the office and home. He has resigned. One, an accountant, viewed over 16,000 images and found his way around all blocks created by the IT watchers.  More time was spent looking at porn than the markets.

Elsewhere, a senior executive at the National Science Foundation viewed porn for 331 days. An executive at the Gettysburg National Park viewed porn for over 3400 hours in 2 years. A chief judge in the 9th Circuit Court of Appeals launched a porn site while presiding over an obscenity trial.

The Nielson Company reports that more than 21 million Americans accessed adult websites on work computers in March of 2010. That’s 29% of working adults. Average time spent: 1 hr and 45 minutes. Average time per session was 12 minutes and 38 seconds. Adult sites ranked 5th in popularity after member communities, online games, e-mail and instant messaging; even more than classifieds/actions and current events/global news.

…Sexual addiction is not a moral issue

“A sense of self means an inner knowing, a clarity of our true nature or authenticity. In healthy sexual expression, there is desire, connection and a sense of well-being. The act of expressing one’s self sexually results in a positive, life-enhancing experience; it is an expression of love, an exchange of mutual pleasuring and respect that leads to an intimate connection.

The sexual compulsive person may think this is what he or she is experiencing. However, the opposite is true. Sex for the addict is about intensity, danger, power, and control. It is about emotional numbing, conquering, and getting high. Sex becomes a commodity to be manipulated, a means to self-defeating end. Sex and love become a game to play, an avoidance, a push/pull, or a hunger so powerful that the addict will risk everything to reach that sexual high.

No risk or consequence has stopped the addict: disease, financial ruin, lost relationships, legal injunctions, career setbacks, or self-respect. The addict is caught in an intoxicating dance that has induced a delusional reality…

…Sexual addiction is not a moral issue; it is a coping mechanism born out of the addict’s wounding. “

From Lust, Anger, Love: Understanding Sexual Addiction and the Road to Healthy Intimacy. by Maureen Canning, MA, LMFT. p. XIII-XIV.

Tiger Woods Is Not Alone

Nike will never shoot a commercial to show my impact on my sport and the world; multiethnic children will never look into a camera lens and say they resemble me.

But I am Tiger Woods.

And weeks after the personal life of the world’s most recognizable athlete crumbled, I still cringe every time I hear a voice mail of a desperate man trying to hide the truth from his significant other. The reason I have yet to write about the biggest sports story of the year in these pages is because Woods’s plea to one of his many mistresses brought up old, awful feelings of shame, guilt and humiliation.

I won’t revisit my own crash site in any detail here, but I can say the painful first step of the journey — of seeing myself for who I really was — also began in the worst imaginable way.

I am Tiger Woods, and just as Charles Barkley stood up for him during his weakest moments, I had friends lend support, telling others not to judge.

And while their efforts were appreciated, most of these people turned out to be enablers from the fraternity of arrested development, where boys must be boys because authentic men aren’t allowed to join. I knew I couldn’t change until my circle of “friends” changed.

I am Tiger Woods, and though I have never been an elite athlete, I work in the culture of the elite athlete, where infidelity isn’t merely condoned, it’s strongly encouraged.

It’s a culture where Kurt Thomas’s New York Knicks teammates once told him not to bring his wife for a three-day trip to Miami, “because that’s like bringin’ sand to the beach.”

Joe DiMaggio, pushing 60, once tucked a phone number of a 20ish flight attendant in his pocket, smiling at the sportswriter seated next to him in first class.

“Joe, she’s somebody’s daughter,” protested Ron Bergman, then covering the Oakland A’s. Replied DiMaggio, matter-of-factly: “They’re all somebody’s daughter.”

Joltin’ Joe was also Tiger Woods, who may have to suffer the indignity of losing his family to understand this goes deeper than the culture of blow-dried nothings in beer commercials, deeper than bored, rich alpha males on the road for 270 days a year.

I am Tiger Woods, and saying the greatest golfer on the planet got married too young is a cheap cop-out that misses an essential point: that this is really about a man who has everything and nothing at the same time, a guy medicating with women to fill emotional gaps — the way some people use food, alcohol, drugs, work and golf on television.

The absolute meltdown of a global brand is only extraordinary because of the once cool, calm and oh-so-calculating persona of Tiger. If Rick Pitino, Alex Rodriguez, David Letterman, Eliot Spitzer, Bill Clinton and Mark Sanford are also Tiger Woods, so are many anonymous people who never played sports, hosted a TV show or ran for office.

And like the potentates and poseurs, they too probably cringe when they hear the voice mail begin, “Hey, it’s Tiger,” and wince when they read the explicit text messages between a panicked guy and one of his other women. Most of all, they thank the heavens they were only found out by the people they hurt — rather than by all seven continents.

I am Tiger Woods, and I understand why the scent of a woman is unbeaten in 2009 and beyond. It is an equal-opportunity addiction, costing manicured, polished stars such as Pitino their coiffed reputations and unknown, dumpy software salesmen their families and jobs.

The truth is, I need help not to be Tiger Woods, a support system helpful to this day. That hearing words such as “dog” or terms such as “commitment issues” only serves to mask real issues. We use them so people such as Tiger Woods never take the time to Google “Attachment Disorder” or “Love Addiction” or look at how their old man treated their mom and what kind of message that sent to a gifted child who would grow up to respect a game more than his wife.

When I hear people say, “Look, it’s not like he’s an alcoholic or a drug addict; sleeping around is not going to kill Tiger,” I cringe again. And think of the most extreme case of infidelity imaginable in sports, in which a beloved, church-going man winds up with a bullet in his head, lying next to the woman who shot him before she took her own life last summer.

Yes, that deranged woman could have been anyone, a warped fan, even his wife. Still, the terrifying truth is Steve McNair was also Tiger Woods.

Three stories piquing prurient interest the past year involved a born-again former Pro Bowl quarterback, a college basketball coach who wore his Catholicism on his lapel, and Tiger, the heir apparent to Muhammad Ali and Michael Jordan in the sports world, an icon marketed to be the most wholesome of them all. When all three fell from pedestals — and one of them paid the ultimate price for it — that’s not a dangerous trend of infidelity; that’s disease.

When married billionaires bring breakfast waitresses to the family home in the middle of the day after they’ve already hooked up in a parking lot, that’s not sex; that’s real affliction.

When the world’s most recognizable athlete uses his Blackberry to text a relative kid in Las Vegas about how much he misses her — and she’s but one of a dozen — that’s not sex; that’s sickness.

I am Tiger Woods, and I have poked fun at his travails because I use humor as camouflage, because if I were to deal with the truth, if the world were to know the details of my sad, pathetic electronic communication with other women at one time in my life, the horrific embarrassment would not just send me into seclusion; it would send me off the ledge.

It’s easy — maybe even natural — to judge his actions and ignore what led to them:

Tiger Woods has an emotional void in his life. This void must be huge. For him to be where he is today, this deep emptiness must have consumed him, must be something he has been living with for a long time. Moreover, he has to live with his emptiness while being fully aware that everyone in the world knows just what a manufactured lie his image has been.

Having stared into this void, having known this hollowness, I can neither excoriate the guy nor exonerate him.

I am Tiger Woods, and because of that, I can only hope that he realizes he’s sick and takes steps to get better.

Alarming Statistics

From Top Ten Reviews: 

From Blazing Grace:


2006 Usage:

  • Every second – $3,075.64 is being spent on pornography
  • Every second – 28,258 Internet users are viewing pornography
  • Every second – 372 Internet users are typing adult search terms into search engines
  • Every 39 minutes: a new pornographic video is being created in the United States

2006 Worldwide Revenues: 97.06 billion. US, 13.33 billion.

  • The pornography industry is larger than the revenues of the top technology companies combined: Microsoft, Google, Amazon, eBay, Yahoo!, Apple, Netflix and EarthLink
  • At 13.3 billion, the 2006 revenues of the sex and porn industry in the U.S. are bigger than the NFL, NBA and Major League Baseball combined.

2006 Children Internet Pornography Statistics

  • Average age of first Internet exposure to pornography: 11 years old
  • 15-17 year olds having multiple hard-core exposures: 80%
  • 8-16 year olds having viewed porn online: (90% (most while doing homework)
  • 7-17 year olds who would freely give out home address: 29%
  • 7-17 year olds who would freely give out email address: 14%
  • Children’s character names linked to thousands of porn links: 26 (Including Pokemon and Action Man)

2006 Internet Pornography Statistics:

  • Pornographic websites: 4.2 million
  • Pornographic pages: 420 million
  • Daily pornographic search engine requests: 68 million
  • Daily pornographic emails: 2.5 billion
  • Internet users who view porn: 42.7%
  • Monthly Pornographic downloads (Peer-to-peer): 1.5 billion
  • Daily Gnutella “child pornography” requests: 116,000
  • Websites offering illegal child pornography: 100,000
  • Sexual solicitations of youth made in chat rooms: 89%
  • Youths who received sexual solicitation: 1 in 7
  • United States has 244,661,900 porn pages
  • Largest consumer of Internet pornography: 35 – 49 age group
  • Men admitting to accessing pornography at work: 20%
  • Promise Keeper men who viewed pornography in last week: 53%
  • Christians who said pornography is a major problem in the home: 47%
  • Breakdown of male/female visitors to pornography sites: 72% male – 28% female
  • 60% of all website visits are sexual in nature
  • The No. 1 search term used at search engine sites is the word “sex”.
  • The study also found that “pornography/porno” was the fourth-most searched for subject.
  • 72 million: The approximate number of unique visitors to adult websites in 2006, per month, worldwide.
  • 420 million: Total number of porn pages worldwide
  • Women keeping their cyber activities secret: 70%
  • Percentage of visitors to adult websites who are women: 1 in 3 visitors
  • Women accessing adult websites each month: 13%

Sex Addicts Out Of Shadows

Duchovney Admission Brings Sex Addicts Out Of Shadows. 
Bay Area Counselors See Rising Number Of Sex Addicts. When actor David Duchovney recently admitted to receiving treatment for sex addiction, the phones started lighting up at Bay Area counseling centers.


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